Our house is not much to look at. It's small, has a relatively inefficient heating system, sits pretty close to a main road, and could use a fair amount of work. The plumbing leaks, the layout is crud, and well, it's just a house. One bathroom. Small, sloping yard. No pool. A detached garage with huge holes in the roof. Right now, the bathroom is in such a sorry state that we decided not to invite friends over for New Year's Eve. We don’t travel much, partly because we’re homebodies, and partly because it’s expensive and time-consuming. We'll never be wealthy, money-wise, but we have enough to live on.
We're lucky, though. We're warm (though sometimes a sweatshirt is in order). We're dry, thanks to the new roof. We're close to stores, close to our jobs, and since we're not too fussy, it's easy to maintain.
The other night, when I couldn't sleep, I wandered around the house. The Christmas lights were still on, so it looked pretty, and everywhere I went, there was a cat snoozing on some surface or other. It wasn't a cold night, so I wasn't shivering, and as I looked out the front window, I could see the slumbering town in which we successfully raised our 3 daughters. I realized how fortunate we are, probably more so than many other people. We'll never be wealthy, money-wise, but we have enough to live on. Our daughters have been successfully launched on the world, and are doing their parts, with the help of wonderful spouses, to do the same with their children. We have family we adore, jobs we enjoy, friends we love, a church filled with awesome folks, and pets to drive us crazy. We can afford to eat decently, dress decently, enjoy time with others and even help those less fortunate than we are.
Life is truly what you make of it. Blessings to all.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Teacher Bashing
There’s a lot of teacher bashing going on these days. People complain about how much money we make, how much time we have off, how little time we actually spend in the classroom, etc., etc., etc. I understand these perceptions to a point. If you’re not a teacher, or married to one, or maybe a parent or a child of one, you may not know about the intense amount of preparation that goes into becoming a teacher. You may not know that by the time you become a permanently certified teacher, you have logged thousands of hours of college classes, and thousands of dollars of your own money. That you have studied, and researched, and written papers, and met with professors, and spent many weeks in a number of classrooms to help prepare you for the day you stand in front of a group of children and welcome them into your life for the next 10 months.
But I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about something that most teachers are very good at, and which often annoys, and sometimes angers parents. Actually, it’s something that often annoys relatives of teachers as well. I’m here to talk about common sense, and making connections. Some years ago, when my oldest daughter was in 5th grade, she played the flute. She was a good musician, and playing the instrument came pretty easily and naturally to her. With a minimum of extreme effort, she played first flute in elementary school, even sitting in the first chair for quite a time. When she arrived home from her first day at middle school, she was in quite a snit; it seems she had had to audition for her new music teacher, and after the audition, she was told that she would definitely not be sitting in the first chair. Her practicing over the summer had consisted of a quick rehearsal for a piece she would play in church, and the playing of said piece in church.
“Your teacher has a Master’s degree in music education”, I said to her. “Did you think she wouldn’t notice that you didn’t play over the summer?”
Here’s what I mean by making connections: When your child seems tired and unable to concentrate, it is quite likely that I am going to assume that he isn’t getting to bed at a reasonable hour on a regular basis. When all she wants to talk about is what level she reached on some video game that I’ve never heard of, but her homework isn’t done, I’m going to guess that the time spent on video games might be better spent on homework. When your child refuses to follow simple directions in school, I am going to think that it’s quite possible that you have trouble with him at home, as well. If you don’t have a reasonably amicable relationship with your child’s other parent, please don’t blame me when you don’t get matching information from your child or the school. When your child has to be reminded of simple manners, like covering her nose and mouth when she coughs and sneezes, saying, “please, thank you, and excuse me”, or waiting his turn to speak, I am going to imagine that you are not as attentive to those things at home as you could be. If you have asked me for, and I have given you advice about homework or discipline problems, please at least try them before you come back complaining to me that you can’t control your child. If you haven’t tried them, have the courtesy to tell me so. I can’t work magic.
When we make a suggestion about whom your child is hanging around with, and suggest that he might make a better choice, please don’t get angry with me. We see what happens to “good” children who hang around with the wrong crowd. Many of us have been teaching long enough, have been parents long enough, or have lived in this town long enough to see these things. Sometimes, all 3 of these things come into play.
I am happy to help your child with weaknesses she may have in reading or math, but I need you to do so at home as well. When I send home books for your child to read, or math work for him to do, it is helpful if you follow up on what I have given you. And please don’t think I have sympathy for your comment of, “I just can’t get her to listen to me” or “I just can’t get him to go to school”. She’s 9. Or he’s 11. Or whatever. If you haven’t disciplined him for the first 5 or 9 or 15 years of his life, starting now is going to be futile.
We’re not the bad guys. We care about your child a great deal, and anybody who thinks that we went through all of the energy, education, and money spent to continue in a job we don’t love, isn’t thinking too clearly. If we suggest that you might consider having your child participate in fewer activities because she is having difficulty with her studies, please take a moment to at least consider it. If you decide to keep him in all of the activities that he is in, then you need to understand that the amount of time we have available to us to help remediate your child are going to be limited.
I’m not saying we’re perfect, and I’m not saying we don’t make mistakes. I know that there are often extenuating circumstances, but for the most part, it is clear that things are pretty much what they seem. That’s what I mean by connections.
But I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about something that most teachers are very good at, and which often annoys, and sometimes angers parents. Actually, it’s something that often annoys relatives of teachers as well. I’m here to talk about common sense, and making connections. Some years ago, when my oldest daughter was in 5th grade, she played the flute. She was a good musician, and playing the instrument came pretty easily and naturally to her. With a minimum of extreme effort, she played first flute in elementary school, even sitting in the first chair for quite a time. When she arrived home from her first day at middle school, she was in quite a snit; it seems she had had to audition for her new music teacher, and after the audition, she was told that she would definitely not be sitting in the first chair. Her practicing over the summer had consisted of a quick rehearsal for a piece she would play in church, and the playing of said piece in church.
“Your teacher has a Master’s degree in music education”, I said to her. “Did you think she wouldn’t notice that you didn’t play over the summer?”
Here’s what I mean by making connections: When your child seems tired and unable to concentrate, it is quite likely that I am going to assume that he isn’t getting to bed at a reasonable hour on a regular basis. When all she wants to talk about is what level she reached on some video game that I’ve never heard of, but her homework isn’t done, I’m going to guess that the time spent on video games might be better spent on homework. When your child refuses to follow simple directions in school, I am going to think that it’s quite possible that you have trouble with him at home, as well. If you don’t have a reasonably amicable relationship with your child’s other parent, please don’t blame me when you don’t get matching information from your child or the school. When your child has to be reminded of simple manners, like covering her nose and mouth when she coughs and sneezes, saying, “please, thank you, and excuse me”, or waiting his turn to speak, I am going to imagine that you are not as attentive to those things at home as you could be. If you have asked me for, and I have given you advice about homework or discipline problems, please at least try them before you come back complaining to me that you can’t control your child. If you haven’t tried them, have the courtesy to tell me so. I can’t work magic.
When we make a suggestion about whom your child is hanging around with, and suggest that he might make a better choice, please don’t get angry with me. We see what happens to “good” children who hang around with the wrong crowd. Many of us have been teaching long enough, have been parents long enough, or have lived in this town long enough to see these things. Sometimes, all 3 of these things come into play.
I am happy to help your child with weaknesses she may have in reading or math, but I need you to do so at home as well. When I send home books for your child to read, or math work for him to do, it is helpful if you follow up on what I have given you. And please don’t think I have sympathy for your comment of, “I just can’t get her to listen to me” or “I just can’t get him to go to school”. She’s 9. Or he’s 11. Or whatever. If you haven’t disciplined him for the first 5 or 9 or 15 years of his life, starting now is going to be futile.
We’re not the bad guys. We care about your child a great deal, and anybody who thinks that we went through all of the energy, education, and money spent to continue in a job we don’t love, isn’t thinking too clearly. If we suggest that you might consider having your child participate in fewer activities because she is having difficulty with her studies, please take a moment to at least consider it. If you decide to keep him in all of the activities that he is in, then you need to understand that the amount of time we have available to us to help remediate your child are going to be limited.
I’m not saying we’re perfect, and I’m not saying we don’t make mistakes. I know that there are often extenuating circumstances, but for the most part, it is clear that things are pretty much what they seem. That’s what I mean by connections.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
The Geese
The geese are flying south. When I took the dog out this morning, I watched several batches of geese flying south. I’m not sure if this is their real trip, or if it is a practice, but for the sake of one small group, I hope it’s practice.
First, a group of about 20 went over my head, in a seemingly professional manner, one at the head honking directions, the others in perfect formation afterward. A few seconds later, a smaller group followed, only about 6 of them, but also behaving appropriately. Shortly afterward, another large group went on. It should be noted that all of these groups were traveling in a southwest direction.
“Happy trails”, I said to them all. “Travel safely”.
A few moments later, a squawky group of travelers passed overhead. There must have been some disagreement occurring, because a) they were extremely noisy, and b) while they were going south, it was much more southeast than southwest, so maybe their vacation home is in Florida, say, instead of Texas. Who knows?
Geese, wherever you’re going, have a safe trip, enjoy your vacation, and come back in the spring.
First, a group of about 20 went over my head, in a seemingly professional manner, one at the head honking directions, the others in perfect formation afterward. A few seconds later, a smaller group followed, only about 6 of them, but also behaving appropriately. Shortly afterward, another large group went on. It should be noted that all of these groups were traveling in a southwest direction.
“Happy trails”, I said to them all. “Travel safely”.
A few moments later, a squawky group of travelers passed overhead. There must have been some disagreement occurring, because a) they were extremely noisy, and b) while they were going south, it was much more southeast than southwest, so maybe their vacation home is in Florida, say, instead of Texas. Who knows?
Geese, wherever you’re going, have a safe trip, enjoy your vacation, and come back in the spring.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Violence Toward Women
I’ve been thinking lately about all of the things that my husband and I, not to mention, many other couples, as well as children and their parents, do to annoy each other. Many times a day, I will think that what I am doing, or what my husband has been doing could, in the wrong context, result in one of us behaving in a violent manner toward the other.
For those of you not living in the Buffalo area, or those of you who have managed to ignore the news, here’s a little bit of history on why I am writing this: Two years ago, an Orchard Park woman was murdered – stabbed and beheaded – by her husband. From the start, he never denied his guilt, in fact, as I understand it, he turned himself in shortly after the crime. What he has done is blame the crime on his wife, who was abusive to him, and caused him interminable grief and heartache, such that he had to kill her. In a nasty, nasty manner.
Here are some of the things he accused her of: When she got angry, she slammed doors; when he purchased self-help books for her, she not only did not do what was suggested in them, she actually threw them in the trash. She worked long hours at both businesses they owned – a TV station and a convenience store; She wanted to visit her family in Pakistan – admittedly an expensive trip; she didn’t always listen to his advice; and she was inattentive to some of his needs.
I’m pretty sure that many of us do some of these things to each other. Lynn often forgets to put the tops back on things, but to be fair, so do I. He doesn’t always throw things away when they are empty, and he has trouble remembering some of the things I tell him. I forget to turn off lights, neglect to shut doors, and have trouble remembering some of the things Lynn tells me. I tend to stay at work kind of late. I am a super putterer, and some days, when I vow to get some organizing done, my tasks just take on a life of their own. I start something, go to do something else, and before I realize it, Lynn is sending me texts reminding me what time it is. This seriously annoys me, because I know what time it is, I’m just in the middle of 17 things, and can’t leave yet. Now we’re both annoyed; Lynn because I’m not home yet, and me because I’m busy, yet having to keep responding to texts.
However, we have learned to compromise about some things. Often, instead of reminding each other that we have forgotten to do something, we just take care of it, because we know the tables will be turned pretty soon. We try and equalize chores around the house, though Lynn tends to do more of the day-to-day stuff because he is home more than I am. As far as my work schedule goes, I have been trying to get home at a reasonable time, and to let him know if I’m going to be later than that reasonable time.
I know that we are asked to be tolerant of the customs, cultures, and religions of others. It is hard, however, to have much respect for a group of people who treat their women in such a demeaning manner as the Muslims do. To feel superior to others only because of their gender does a serious disservice to people everywhere, and to treat others unfairly because you can is harmful and damaging to all of society.
For those of you not living in the Buffalo area, or those of you who have managed to ignore the news, here’s a little bit of history on why I am writing this: Two years ago, an Orchard Park woman was murdered – stabbed and beheaded – by her husband. From the start, he never denied his guilt, in fact, as I understand it, he turned himself in shortly after the crime. What he has done is blame the crime on his wife, who was abusive to him, and caused him interminable grief and heartache, such that he had to kill her. In a nasty, nasty manner.
Here are some of the things he accused her of: When she got angry, she slammed doors; when he purchased self-help books for her, she not only did not do what was suggested in them, she actually threw them in the trash. She worked long hours at both businesses they owned – a TV station and a convenience store; She wanted to visit her family in Pakistan – admittedly an expensive trip; she didn’t always listen to his advice; and she was inattentive to some of his needs.
I’m pretty sure that many of us do some of these things to each other. Lynn often forgets to put the tops back on things, but to be fair, so do I. He doesn’t always throw things away when they are empty, and he has trouble remembering some of the things I tell him. I forget to turn off lights, neglect to shut doors, and have trouble remembering some of the things Lynn tells me. I tend to stay at work kind of late. I am a super putterer, and some days, when I vow to get some organizing done, my tasks just take on a life of their own. I start something, go to do something else, and before I realize it, Lynn is sending me texts reminding me what time it is. This seriously annoys me, because I know what time it is, I’m just in the middle of 17 things, and can’t leave yet. Now we’re both annoyed; Lynn because I’m not home yet, and me because I’m busy, yet having to keep responding to texts.
However, we have learned to compromise about some things. Often, instead of reminding each other that we have forgotten to do something, we just take care of it, because we know the tables will be turned pretty soon. We try and equalize chores around the house, though Lynn tends to do more of the day-to-day stuff because he is home more than I am. As far as my work schedule goes, I have been trying to get home at a reasonable time, and to let him know if I’m going to be later than that reasonable time.
I know that we are asked to be tolerant of the customs, cultures, and religions of others. It is hard, however, to have much respect for a group of people who treat their women in such a demeaning manner as the Muslims do. To feel superior to others only because of their gender does a serious disservice to people everywhere, and to treat others unfairly because you can is harmful and damaging to all of society.
New York State
I have to say I thoroughly agree with Froma Harrop in a recent editorial. The loss of population in the state of New York is a very good thing. Since most of us complain mightily about too many people everywhere we look, it seems only fitting that we should receive that news favorably.
I haven’t done any research to determine what kinds of people have left the state, but it seems like a win-win situation no matter how you look at it. If, by chance, the people moving out are welfare recipients, then all the better. If they are gainfully employed, then that leaves openings for more who remain, or those who would like to move back.
There really are some good things about fewer people. Things like more parking spaces; the ease of getting a doctor’s appointment without waiting 4 months; less traffic at rush hour; shorter lines at the grocery store; etc.
While I am sure that not all leave because of the job market, there is no doubt that the job market around here is tricky. Many of our family members and friends have experienced the gamut of frustration. Good jobs have been lost, health insurance has been non-existent, and times have been lean. However, if you work at it, these things can be overcome. Some have found low-paying jobs to tide them over for a bit, which is not always a bad thing. Character-building and all that. Some have lowered their expectations for being wealthy, and settled for being content. Some have gone back to school to make themselves marketable in a completely different field. Some have moved away, and yes, it’s sad when those who move away are your own kids, but if they really wanted to stay, they would find a way to do it. Maybe they’ll come back.
I suspect a lot of people use the job issues as a stepping-stone to the fact that they don’t like the weather. While I am not a huge fan of cold weather, I much prefer the occasional snowstorm to hurricanes, tornadoes, mudslides, volcanoes, 100 degree temperatures, and floods. With snow, we know what to expect.
As to the political backlash concerning the red vs blue states, let’s stop caring about that so much. Maybe if we do, we’ll get to the point where we worry more about what political candidates say and do than what party they belong to.
I haven’t done any research to determine what kinds of people have left the state, but it seems like a win-win situation no matter how you look at it. If, by chance, the people moving out are welfare recipients, then all the better. If they are gainfully employed, then that leaves openings for more who remain, or those who would like to move back.
There really are some good things about fewer people. Things like more parking spaces; the ease of getting a doctor’s appointment without waiting 4 months; less traffic at rush hour; shorter lines at the grocery store; etc.
While I am sure that not all leave because of the job market, there is no doubt that the job market around here is tricky. Many of our family members and friends have experienced the gamut of frustration. Good jobs have been lost, health insurance has been non-existent, and times have been lean. However, if you work at it, these things can be overcome. Some have found low-paying jobs to tide them over for a bit, which is not always a bad thing. Character-building and all that. Some have lowered their expectations for being wealthy, and settled for being content. Some have gone back to school to make themselves marketable in a completely different field. Some have moved away, and yes, it’s sad when those who move away are your own kids, but if they really wanted to stay, they would find a way to do it. Maybe they’ll come back.
I suspect a lot of people use the job issues as a stepping-stone to the fact that they don’t like the weather. While I am not a huge fan of cold weather, I much prefer the occasional snowstorm to hurricanes, tornadoes, mudslides, volcanoes, 100 degree temperatures, and floods. With snow, we know what to expect.
As to the political backlash concerning the red vs blue states, let’s stop caring about that so much. Maybe if we do, we’ll get to the point where we worry more about what political candidates say and do than what party they belong to.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Finger Lakes
Yesterday, Lynn and I took a trip to Penn Yan, in the Finger Lakes region. His Uncle Earl, who died last year, had left Lynn a glass-fronted cabinet, and a couple of previous attempts to go get it were thwarted for one reason or another. This day, though, a gorgeous summer Saturday, was perfect.
We sort of knew how to get there. We Mapquested the route, plus I had my trusty GPS with us, so we weren’t too concerned about getting there. We set off, trying to follow the printed out directions, but realized at some point that we were off course. We turned on the GPS, but it turns out that the woman inside the device was a teensy bit snarky. I switched to a kinder sounding male voice, but he also made it very clear that he was displeased at our complete and total lack of direction-following skills. A phone call to Lynn’s cousin, who was at the house doing some cleaning, finally got us there.
We chatted for a bit , finding a much easier route home, had a drink, used the bathroom, loaded up the cabinet, and headed home. Even with a stop to eat, our 4 hour trip down turned into a 3 hour trip home. Much simpler.
The beauty of the day made the long trip bearable. About 45 minutes out of Springville, the windmills loomed up at us, a phenomenal site that brought the movie, “War of the Worlds” to my mind. The rest of the route was filled with gorgeous scenery – trees, lakes, rivers, hills, and abounding greenery. Pictures will not do justice, but we did take a few.
What a beautiful world we live in!
We sort of knew how to get there. We Mapquested the route, plus I had my trusty GPS with us, so we weren’t too concerned about getting there. We set off, trying to follow the printed out directions, but realized at some point that we were off course. We turned on the GPS, but it turns out that the woman inside the device was a teensy bit snarky. I switched to a kinder sounding male voice, but he also made it very clear that he was displeased at our complete and total lack of direction-following skills. A phone call to Lynn’s cousin, who was at the house doing some cleaning, finally got us there.
We chatted for a bit , finding a much easier route home, had a drink, used the bathroom, loaded up the cabinet, and headed home. Even with a stop to eat, our 4 hour trip down turned into a 3 hour trip home. Much simpler.
The beauty of the day made the long trip bearable. About 45 minutes out of Springville, the windmills loomed up at us, a phenomenal site that brought the movie, “War of the Worlds” to my mind. The rest of the route was filled with gorgeous scenery – trees, lakes, rivers, hills, and abounding greenery. Pictures will not do justice, but we did take a few.
What a beautiful world we live in!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Changeover
Hello Folks, I have decided to change the name of my blog to "The Blog of Botsford". The title "Agatha's World" has run its course, and Agatha has gone for a long nap. She may return at some point, but for now, it's me.
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