I’ve been thinking lately about all of the things that my husband and I, not to mention, many other couples, as well as children and their parents, do to annoy each other. Many times a day, I will think that what I am doing, or what my husband has been doing could, in the wrong context, result in one of us behaving in a violent manner toward the other.
For those of you not living in the Buffalo area, or those of you who have managed to ignore the news, here’s a little bit of history on why I am writing this: Two years ago, an Orchard Park woman was murdered – stabbed and beheaded – by her husband. From the start, he never denied his guilt, in fact, as I understand it, he turned himself in shortly after the crime. What he has done is blame the crime on his wife, who was abusive to him, and caused him interminable grief and heartache, such that he had to kill her. In a nasty, nasty manner.
Here are some of the things he accused her of: When she got angry, she slammed doors; when he purchased self-help books for her, she not only did not do what was suggested in them, she actually threw them in the trash. She worked long hours at both businesses they owned – a TV station and a convenience store; She wanted to visit her family in Pakistan – admittedly an expensive trip; she didn’t always listen to his advice; and she was inattentive to some of his needs.
I’m pretty sure that many of us do some of these things to each other. Lynn often forgets to put the tops back on things, but to be fair, so do I. He doesn’t always throw things away when they are empty, and he has trouble remembering some of the things I tell him. I forget to turn off lights, neglect to shut doors, and have trouble remembering some of the things Lynn tells me. I tend to stay at work kind of late. I am a super putterer, and some days, when I vow to get some organizing done, my tasks just take on a life of their own. I start something, go to do something else, and before I realize it, Lynn is sending me texts reminding me what time it is. This seriously annoys me, because I know what time it is, I’m just in the middle of 17 things, and can’t leave yet. Now we’re both annoyed; Lynn because I’m not home yet, and me because I’m busy, yet having to keep responding to texts.
However, we have learned to compromise about some things. Often, instead of reminding each other that we have forgotten to do something, we just take care of it, because we know the tables will be turned pretty soon. We try and equalize chores around the house, though Lynn tends to do more of the day-to-day stuff because he is home more than I am. As far as my work schedule goes, I have been trying to get home at a reasonable time, and to let him know if I’m going to be later than that reasonable time.
I know that we are asked to be tolerant of the customs, cultures, and religions of others. It is hard, however, to have much respect for a group of people who treat their women in such a demeaning manner as the Muslims do. To feel superior to others only because of their gender does a serious disservice to people everywhere, and to treat others unfairly because you can is harmful and damaging to all of society.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
New York State
I have to say I thoroughly agree with Froma Harrop in a recent editorial. The loss of population in the state of New York is a very good thing. Since most of us complain mightily about too many people everywhere we look, it seems only fitting that we should receive that news favorably.
I haven’t done any research to determine what kinds of people have left the state, but it seems like a win-win situation no matter how you look at it. If, by chance, the people moving out are welfare recipients, then all the better. If they are gainfully employed, then that leaves openings for more who remain, or those who would like to move back.
There really are some good things about fewer people. Things like more parking spaces; the ease of getting a doctor’s appointment without waiting 4 months; less traffic at rush hour; shorter lines at the grocery store; etc.
While I am sure that not all leave because of the job market, there is no doubt that the job market around here is tricky. Many of our family members and friends have experienced the gamut of frustration. Good jobs have been lost, health insurance has been non-existent, and times have been lean. However, if you work at it, these things can be overcome. Some have found low-paying jobs to tide them over for a bit, which is not always a bad thing. Character-building and all that. Some have lowered their expectations for being wealthy, and settled for being content. Some have gone back to school to make themselves marketable in a completely different field. Some have moved away, and yes, it’s sad when those who move away are your own kids, but if they really wanted to stay, they would find a way to do it. Maybe they’ll come back.
I suspect a lot of people use the job issues as a stepping-stone to the fact that they don’t like the weather. While I am not a huge fan of cold weather, I much prefer the occasional snowstorm to hurricanes, tornadoes, mudslides, volcanoes, 100 degree temperatures, and floods. With snow, we know what to expect.
As to the political backlash concerning the red vs blue states, let’s stop caring about that so much. Maybe if we do, we’ll get to the point where we worry more about what political candidates say and do than what party they belong to.
I haven’t done any research to determine what kinds of people have left the state, but it seems like a win-win situation no matter how you look at it. If, by chance, the people moving out are welfare recipients, then all the better. If they are gainfully employed, then that leaves openings for more who remain, or those who would like to move back.
There really are some good things about fewer people. Things like more parking spaces; the ease of getting a doctor’s appointment without waiting 4 months; less traffic at rush hour; shorter lines at the grocery store; etc.
While I am sure that not all leave because of the job market, there is no doubt that the job market around here is tricky. Many of our family members and friends have experienced the gamut of frustration. Good jobs have been lost, health insurance has been non-existent, and times have been lean. However, if you work at it, these things can be overcome. Some have found low-paying jobs to tide them over for a bit, which is not always a bad thing. Character-building and all that. Some have lowered their expectations for being wealthy, and settled for being content. Some have gone back to school to make themselves marketable in a completely different field. Some have moved away, and yes, it’s sad when those who move away are your own kids, but if they really wanted to stay, they would find a way to do it. Maybe they’ll come back.
I suspect a lot of people use the job issues as a stepping-stone to the fact that they don’t like the weather. While I am not a huge fan of cold weather, I much prefer the occasional snowstorm to hurricanes, tornadoes, mudslides, volcanoes, 100 degree temperatures, and floods. With snow, we know what to expect.
As to the political backlash concerning the red vs blue states, let’s stop caring about that so much. Maybe if we do, we’ll get to the point where we worry more about what political candidates say and do than what party they belong to.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Finger Lakes
Yesterday, Lynn and I took a trip to Penn Yan, in the Finger Lakes region. His Uncle Earl, who died last year, had left Lynn a glass-fronted cabinet, and a couple of previous attempts to go get it were thwarted for one reason or another. This day, though, a gorgeous summer Saturday, was perfect.
We sort of knew how to get there. We Mapquested the route, plus I had my trusty GPS with us, so we weren’t too concerned about getting there. We set off, trying to follow the printed out directions, but realized at some point that we were off course. We turned on the GPS, but it turns out that the woman inside the device was a teensy bit snarky. I switched to a kinder sounding male voice, but he also made it very clear that he was displeased at our complete and total lack of direction-following skills. A phone call to Lynn’s cousin, who was at the house doing some cleaning, finally got us there.
We chatted for a bit , finding a much easier route home, had a drink, used the bathroom, loaded up the cabinet, and headed home. Even with a stop to eat, our 4 hour trip down turned into a 3 hour trip home. Much simpler.
The beauty of the day made the long trip bearable. About 45 minutes out of Springville, the windmills loomed up at us, a phenomenal site that brought the movie, “War of the Worlds” to my mind. The rest of the route was filled with gorgeous scenery – trees, lakes, rivers, hills, and abounding greenery. Pictures will not do justice, but we did take a few.
What a beautiful world we live in!
We sort of knew how to get there. We Mapquested the route, plus I had my trusty GPS with us, so we weren’t too concerned about getting there. We set off, trying to follow the printed out directions, but realized at some point that we were off course. We turned on the GPS, but it turns out that the woman inside the device was a teensy bit snarky. I switched to a kinder sounding male voice, but he also made it very clear that he was displeased at our complete and total lack of direction-following skills. A phone call to Lynn’s cousin, who was at the house doing some cleaning, finally got us there.
We chatted for a bit , finding a much easier route home, had a drink, used the bathroom, loaded up the cabinet, and headed home. Even with a stop to eat, our 4 hour trip down turned into a 3 hour trip home. Much simpler.
The beauty of the day made the long trip bearable. About 45 minutes out of Springville, the windmills loomed up at us, a phenomenal site that brought the movie, “War of the Worlds” to my mind. The rest of the route was filled with gorgeous scenery – trees, lakes, rivers, hills, and abounding greenery. Pictures will not do justice, but we did take a few.
What a beautiful world we live in!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Changeover
Hello Folks, I have decided to change the name of my blog to "The Blog of Botsford". The title "Agatha's World" has run its course, and Agatha has gone for a long nap. She may return at some point, but for now, it's me.
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