Violence Toward Women

I’ve been thinking lately about all of the things that my husband and I, not to mention, many other couples, as well as children and their parents, do to annoy each other. Many times a day, I will think that what I am doing, or what my husband has been doing could, in the wrong context, result in one of us behaving in a violent manner toward the other.
For those of you not living in the Buffalo area, or those of you who have managed to ignore the news, here’s a little bit of history on why I am writing this: Two years ago, an Orchard Park woman was murdered – stabbed and beheaded – by her husband. From the start, he never denied his guilt, in fact, as I understand it, he turned himself in shortly after the crime. What he has done is blame the crime on his wife, who was abusive to him, and caused him interminable grief and heartache, such that he had to kill her. In a nasty, nasty manner.
Here are some of the things he accused her of: When she got angry, she slammed doors; when he purchased self-help books for her, she not only did not do what was suggested in them, she actually threw them in the trash. She worked long hours at both businesses they owned – a TV station and a convenience store; She wanted to visit her family in Pakistan – admittedly an expensive trip; she didn’t always listen to his advice; and she was inattentive to some of his needs.
I’m pretty sure that many of us do some of these things to each other. Lynn often forgets to put the tops back on things, but to be fair, so do I. He doesn’t always throw things away when they are empty, and he has trouble remembering some of the things I tell him. I forget to turn off lights, neglect to shut doors, and have trouble remembering some of the things Lynn tells me. I tend to stay at work kind of late. I am a super putterer, and some days, when I vow to get some organizing done, my tasks just take on a life of their own. I start something, go to do something else, and before I realize it, Lynn is sending me texts reminding me what time it is. This seriously annoys me, because I know what time it is, I’m just in the middle of 17 things, and can’t leave yet. Now we’re both annoyed; Lynn because I’m not home yet, and me because I’m busy, yet having to keep responding to texts.

However, we have learned to compromise about some things. Often, instead of reminding each other that we have forgotten to do something, we just take care of it, because we know the tables will be turned pretty soon. We try and equalize chores around the house, though Lynn tends to do more of the day-to-day stuff because he is home more than I am. As far as my work schedule goes, I have been trying to get home at a reasonable time, and to let him know if I’m going to be later than that reasonable time.

I know that we are asked to be tolerant of the customs, cultures, and religions of others. It is hard, however, to have much respect for a group of people who treat their women in such a demeaning manner as the Muslims do. To feel superior to others only because of their gender does a serious disservice to people everywhere, and to treat others unfairly because you can is harmful and damaging to all of society.